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12/13/2001
"Doing what I can"

This summer, two of Mark's best friends got married. They both had gone through nasty divorces, and were looking forward to many years together.
Not to be. Last month, a scant 3 months after their wedding, he was diagnosed with lung cancer which has already metastasized to his spine, his jaw, and his knee.
Although he has started radiation (and Chemotherapy starts tomorrow), the doctors have made it clear that the treatment is an attempt to provide him more time to address his personal matters and be with his family. No one is talking about remission or cure.

Mark is devastated by the news. These people have also become very important to me in a short time, largely because they were two of the people from Mark's "other life" who have been fully supportive of his coming out process.. and who have welcomed me with open arms.
My coping mechanism? Click into "caseworker" mode.... it's been awhile, but there are details to attend to that I can help with. Today, for, example, I accompanied them to Social Security to file for Disability benefits. This is something I know.. I filed a bunch of SSD claims back in my CW days, all successful the first time around.
So, cool. Focus on papers, medical records, details, signatures, so I can set aside all of what I'm feeling right now:

Sadness that these two aren't going to have the life they dreamed of together.

Concern for her young children, who, having adjusted to a disruptive divorce, now are facing the loss of someone they cherish.

Anger that the (Religiously Affiliated) Lame Excuse for a Freaking Hospital they've been going to since March thought they were treating bronchitis, muscular problems, and asthma instead of goddamn lung cancer.

Absolute white-hot FURY that a chest film taken MONTHS ago at said incompetent institution shows a mass in his upper right lung, visible even to a layman like me.

I gotta keep breathing. Gotta keep cranking out the papers (and hugs) for B&K and their kids, gotta keep hugging (and talking and crying with) my guy.
Breathe in.......breathe out.
Breathe in.......breathe out.

Replies: 1 Comment

My condolences, Matt...

Posted by Jason @ 12/14/2001 12:47 PM EST

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